Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
