She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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