Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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