My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
