went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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