Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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