Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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