And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
