I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
