I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
