How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
