It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
