dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
