We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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