so that wasnt chicken after all
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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