I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
