The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You ruined the universe
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
