1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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