After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
