just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
