My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
