literally had 100 drinks last night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
