Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
