It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How does one acquire holy water?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
