i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
