I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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