If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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