Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
