Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
