why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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