and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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