so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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