She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
