Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
