meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
