I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
