I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
