Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
