i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
