So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
