I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
