Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
