i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I looked at my own cervix.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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