Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
