Michael Bay diarrhea
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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