Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
