Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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