FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
