Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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