We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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